Friday, June 20, 2008

My Mom Won't Be Reading My Blog

My mom has been a big fan and a regular reader of GSNW since it began more than two years ago. As soon as she heard I was writing online, she insisted that we set up her computer so she could just click in her browser bar and access both my and my brother's blogs.

While some of my "funny" comments about growing up eating tuna casserole and Spanish rice weren't always well-received, she consistently encouraged me to pursue my passions. And when I started getting regular writing gigs, there was always a call of congratulations when a column or an article appeared, and she had a file folder full of my stories that she culled from her paper.

So it was a huge shock when Wednesday morning we got a call that she had passed away suddenly during the night, and our world has been rocked ever since. We're working our way through the things you have to do when a family member passes away, like obituaries, canceling subscriptions and endless paperwork.

I still can't make my brain realize that this vivacious, ferocious, funny and intelligent person is gone. That I can't just pick up the phone and tell her how weird it feels because the line has somehow been cut. With time I know the sadness may ebb and the memories will grow stronger. But I'll still miss my biggest fan.

Photo by Steve Bloch, May '08.

14 comments:

Corvallis Martha said...

This is a lovely tribute. xxoo, msa

kab said...

Thanks...she was a really amazing person and affected so many people's lives in her work and her life. What an example!

Alan Cordle said...

She looks and sounds beautiful. I'm sorry you had to say goodbye, but you did it so well.

kab said...

Thanks, Alan. I just wrote to someone that the weird thing is waking up in the morning like it's just another day, then I remember she's gone and it changes everything. So strange.

Loo said...

We will all miss your Mom, and even though there will be no new stories about her, you have a long, wonderful lifetime of them already with which to make us feel like we know and love her!

xoxo

kab said...

Thank you, dearest Loo. You guys are so close to our hearts...

denwanai said...

Kathleen

I am so sorry..my thoughts are with you. Your mom must have been so proud and delighted with your success. Our condolences to your family.

Jenny G

kab said...

Thanks, Jenny. She was, as I said, a big fan. And said it often, a huge comfort.

Léo said...

I was just catching up on your blog and saw this.
Big hugs, Sweetie.

kab said...

Thanks so much, Léo. A little more than two weeks have passed, the realization has set in and we're adjusting slowly, slowly. Thank goodness we have lots of support from caring family and friends!

Angie Jabine said...

Kathleen, I was so sorry to read about your mother's passing. No one ever knows us quite as well, or in quite the same way, as our mothers do. Mine's been gone a year and a half and I think about her every week. Hugs to you, Angie

kab said...

I was just thinking of her as I opened your comment, Angie. And you're so right...it's a complicated, joyful and sometimes fraught relationship we have with our moms. But I was lucky to have her so close for so long.

WordsandMusic said...

I'm sad you lost your mother so suddenly. I do hope we'll read lots more stories about her, as you process her death and remember her life. My mom's been gone 11 months, but her brain checked out about 8 years ago. She also disliked it when I wrote about her cooking...but even she admitted she hated the kitchen. I look forward to hearing more about your mom.

kab said...

Thanks so much. Since she was such a big part of my life, she'll definitely be making more appearances here.